We live in a hustle culture in the Western World. A culture that says that what you do, how much you do it and how well you complete it is directly proportional to your inherent worth as a human.
FRANKLY MY DEAR - IT'S GARBAGE!
I want you to think for a moment, how many times a day, a week do you feel guilty for not doing enough? Remember some examples of when you felt you were lazy for taking a break, or inadequate for not having the energy to complete a work task or cleaning at home. There will be many and the reason for that is that everything surrounding us is driven by productivity. It is the cornerstone of Capitalism.
Now I am not about to get Political on you - I think we are all weary of that right now, but I am going to hammer home this point about productivity not equating your worth and I am going to use myself as the example - here goes.
I have chronic ill health including; Arthritis, Bowel Disease, Hypothyroidism, Menopause, PTSD, Cyclothymia, Migraine , Primary Immune Deficiency and Occipital Neuralgia. I am not looking for sympathy - I am not a special case, most people have some form of ongoing health concern or condition.
What this means is that on some days I can be super productive and on others I am glacial in my pace. What i found though was on the days I was ripping through emails, cleaning the house, publishing social media posts, giving talks at events - I felt deeply accomplished. On the days where I was wracked with pain and just getting to the bathroom and back to bed, I felt like a failure.
Obviously we are going to feel good when we get stuff done - that's the dopamine hit. And also it is natural to feel less than pleased when tasks are mounting up around us and our Sloth like capability is holding us back from ticking them off the to do list.
THE PROBLEM IS THIS...........
When this kind of thinking and association between how much we get done (productivity) and what we feel about ourselves as a whole human (our worth) are inextricably linked it becomes corrosive to our emotional and mental wellbeing. Let's flip the mirror here - if you were to hear your friend berating themselves for being too sick to go to work, or stuck in a depressive episode that meant they hadn't hoovered for a few days, would you stop wanting to be in their lives? I doubt it! As ever we are much more critical and harsh on ourselves than on others.
WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT?
The brain can be our worst enemy or our closest ally and there is an element of choice in this (of course I know only too well that mental health conditions can make this choice harder). Neuroplasticity is the brain's incredible ability to rewire it's belief system through the power of though, action and repetition.
Most of the beliefs you have of yourself were created in your younger years, some beliefs given to you by others and some you created yourself. Here's a couple I had to dismantle:
'I am weak in body and mind'
'I am less useful than my friends'
Anyone who knows me would laugh out loud at those 2 statements and tell me without a shadow of a doubt that they are bunkum. I would then probably laugh it off, but under the hood my brain and my heart were weeping because in my soul I believed it to be true.
So I got to work to pull apart my limiting beliefs, working with an incredible Coach who helped me to replace them with empowering beliefs. Over time, repeating affirmations, journaling and initiating behavioural activations the old beliefs became fragile and eventually fell away to ensure that my new empowering beliefs were in the driving seat.
What I realised was that who I am as a person, all the innate qualities I have are not connected in any way to the amount of physical productivity I can display on any given day. If I am too exhausted to do the food shopping and have to get it delivered - that has absolutely nothing to do with how much I love my family. If I have to reschedule a coffee meeting because I have a migraine, that has absolutely nothing to do with how much I value my friendships. And if I have to postpone a work event because my anxiety has crippled me that week - it is not because I am useless at my job.
HERE'S THE TAKEAWAY
Write down all your qualities (kind, loving, thoughtful, generous, courageous, strong etc)
Journal how you feel when you cannot be productive and keep asking why until answers form
Treat yourself like you would a friend - kind, positive self talk.
Stop comparing yourself to others, it is damaging and everyone is in a unique situation.
Work with someone to create empowering beliefs and dismantle the negative ones
I hope this helps you to understand that you are enough just as you are, that your light in the world is not correlated to the money you earn or how hard you hustle and that your productivity is in no way connected to your worth.
And if you are looking for the guide at your side to Coach you to a more contented, positive and empowered mindset then please email me: hello@flissgoldsmith.com and let's talk about the options in getting you to living your most optimal life. Your physical, mental and emotional health depend on it.
X Love and Empowerment Fliss X
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